• Mewtwo: i see now that the circumstances of ones birth are irrelevant. it is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are.
  • Mew: mew
66,747 notes
  • mom: don't eat the cookies yet, they just came out of the oven and are too hot
  • me: fire cannot kill a dragon
457,899 notes

verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

(via wefuckingtimetravelled)

182,545 notes

sk-eptic:

sk-eptic:

I’m like a pirate; I always wanna get my hands on dat booty.

I hope you all know I was drunk and watching Sinbad when I wrote this fantastic pun.

56 notes